Division of labor

Chores.

What an interesting thought.

It seems to me we always had

A division of labor in chores.

You did this

I did that

You always handled:

Anything involving a remote control

Anything using a small engine

Anything involving a large engine

Starting anything with a pull cord

Anything involving electricity

Anything involving power tools

Maintenance of everything

Installing software

Getting stuff out of the top cabinets

Critter control

Pest control

The BBQ grill

Indoor cooking

Winding the clocks

Bringing me flowers

Giving me a shoulder to cry on

Giving me hugs

Making me feel safe

Making me feel loved

Wow that’s a lot!

Did I mention I miss you?

I always handled:

Back seat driving

Telling you to turn at the intersection not before

That the exit we needed was the one we just passed

Giving you advice whether you wanted it or not

Giving a 10 minute answer to a yes or no question

Illogical ramblings that made no sense to you

(if they had, they would have been logical ramblings,

and oh what’s the point of that, see what I mean?)

Laundry

Giving you hugs

Loving you

Joking aside, I sigh.

I’m exhausted you see

Trying to be us

Especially now when

It’s just me.

I ponder this thought

While winding the clocks

What choices to make

What gets handled or dropped?

So I hug myself

As I check the locks

What choices to make 

What gets handled or dropped?




Copyright 2012.  All rights reserved.

I'm sorry

I sit in quiet

Lights dimmed low

I sit in stillness

Watching candle glow

I’m sorry

Whispers through my soul

My eyes gently soften

The flame flickers slowly

Words tumble in

Urgent messages to hear

I left too early

I left things undone

I’m sorry for things left unsaid

I’m sorry we missed one last kiss

I’m sorry I left you alone

I’m sorry you have to be strong

I’m sorry you hurt

I’m sorry you grieve

I never meant to hurt you

It hurts me too

Accept my leaving

Make peace with me

I love you always

Find joy with me

Copyright 2012.  All rights reserved.

Send love forward

Send them love

They need it too

What you send forward

Bounces back to you

They left you

And you’re confused

You feel alone

They feel confused

So send them love

They need it more

What you send forward

Bounces back evermore








Copyright 2012.  All rights reserved.

Releasing 2

Your stuffs still here for me to clear

I have no clue what to hold as dear

I think it’s time, it’s been a year

And so with love I release

Your toothbrush

Your razor

Your shaving cream

Your t-shirts

Your undershorts

Your socks

Your shoes

Your shirts

Your pants

Your coats

Your gloves

And somewhere in the releasing I learn

What I should hold dear

Your laughter

Your smile

Your smirk

Your jokes

Your power

Your presence

Your gifts

Your love

And in the releasing and the letting go

I find my way forward

I learn to transform the ‘we are’ to ‘I am’

I am alone but not lonely

I am strong

I am resilient

I am a reflection of the best of us

I am enough 

I learn to release our dreams

Of traveling the world

Of growing old together

Of wrinkles

Of failing bodies

Of watching the children grow

Of growing wisdom

Of holding hands

I learn to make my own dreams

Of traveling the world

Of growing old

Of wrinkles

Of watching the children grow

Of finding my passion

Of finding my joy

And I learn

I have you inside me

I take you with me

You make me laugh still

I see you in the sunset

I see you in the children

I feel you in my heart








Copyright 2012.  All rights reserved.

Releasing

Your stuff’s still here for me to clear

No clue what to hold as dear

So much stuff you left undone

So much more you’d not begun

Your chair is empty

Your cup unfilled

I see your echo everywhere

Time moves forward

Thoughts go backward

My life is stuck

My hope’s been plucked

Your chair is empty

Your cup unfilled

I feel your echo everywhere

My pain begins to slowly ease

My thought no longer flees

My life has been refined

My dreams now unconfined

Your chair is now pushed in

Your cup in cupboard now is found

I feel your presence everywhere

Copyright 2012.   All rights reserved.

Joy Returns

Your service over

The ground is closed

The house is silent

My wound is large

Your stuff’s still here

I hold it close

I weep in silence

My grief too large

I walk in limbo

The pain too huge

The darkness closing

My loss is real

The days drag by

My strength is drained

The darkness closes

My hope grows dim

I weep

I cry

I sob

I am tired

I am quiet

I am still

From stillness rises dawn again

From darkness light creeps back again

From weakness strength takes gently hold

From pain within joy blooms anew

From sense of loss comes strength of faith

From despair and grief gentle hope returns

From lonely silence quiet stillness comes

From sense of loss your presence surrounds

Copyright 2012.  All rights reserved.

Letting Go

I held the fear

I held the pain

Never thought of letting go

I held the sorrow

I held the ache

Never thought of letting go

I held the grief

I held the tears

Never thought of letting go

I sob

I weep my grief

I pause

I wipe my eyes

I blow my nose

I wash my face

I stop

I gather you close

I say goodbye

I let you go

But wait!

I’m still here

Circles back in stillness

I feel your joy

I feel your strength

Never think of letting go

I feel your love

I feel your faith

Never think of letting go

I feel my joy

I feel my faith

Never think of letting go

I feel my love

I feel my strength

Never think of letting go

I sob

I weep my joy

I pause

I wipe my eyes

I blow my nose

I wash my face

I stop

I gather you close

I say hello

I keep you close

Copyright 2012..  All rights reserved.

Behind the Veil

I saw the glimmer

I saw the shimmer

You peaked around the veil

I saw your face

I felt your presence

You peaked around the veil

I feel your joy

I feel your hope

You peaked around the veil

You give me love

You give me hope

You peaked around the veil

You let me go

You helped me stand

You peaked around the veil

You send me forward

You send your joy

You peaked around the veil

You send your love

You send your hand

You peaked around the veil

You send your blessings

You send your gifts

You peaked around the veil

I thought alone

But know I’m not

You peaked around the veil

The gifts you send

Are just enough

You peaked around the veil

You help me stand

You help me live

You peaked around the veil

You send me faith

You send me hope

You peaked around the veil

You send me joy

You send me love

You peaked around the veil

Copyright 2012.  All rights reserved.

Infinity

In joy we come

In pain we leave

Empty to full

Beginning to end

But ending still is

Beginning again

Looping ever

Looping still

I am with you

And you with me

Never alone

No need to fear

Find your center

Find your strength

First look within

Then look without

I am with you

You with me

Together always

Through infinity.

Copyright 2012.  All rights reserved.

Introduction

It's been said that writing is cathartic for the soul.


I've been nudged to put my thoughts to paper while processing my grief after losing Bill, my husband of 35 years, a year ago.


What you see reflected on these pages is my process of accepting my loss, making peace with this loss, and choosing joy in moving forward with the rest of my life.


Perhaps through my healing journey you may find a thought, a phrase, a sentiment that resonates with you and helps you along on your own journey.


Peace and Joy.


Deb






Copyright 2012.  All rights reserved.

You are gone

I sit in pain

I sit alone

You are gone

I am here

I miss your hugs

I miss your smile

You are gone

I am here

You gave me love

You love me still

You are there

I am here

I saw a rose

I saw a smile

I saw a rock

I saw a moon

I felt the wind

I felt the sun

I felt the rain

I felt the sand

  

I feel the love

I feel the hope

I feel the pain

I feel the joy

I know you are

I know I am

You are there

I am here

We are still


Copyright 2012 .  All rights reserved.